Recurrence

 Recurrence ...a word that scares me. Almost as much as one of those scary movies that I can't watch. When I read about recurrence of breast cancer, all these things come tumbling into my mind. I want to run away....never go to the doctor ...close my eyes so I don't have to see it. It frightens me. Makes me want to say I hope instead of it will never come again. It makes space for the bad stuff in life. At this point I haven't come to terms with this word. Most of the time I pretend it doesn't exist but I know I can only pretend for so long. It really takes to much energy to press those thought out of my mind. At some point I have to accept the word recurrence and not let it frighten me. God is still God even in recurrence. God still is sovereign and is love. But for now I not letting the word into my vocabulary and I am proclaiming I am free at last.